Blog 74 Death (Gary)

  It seems I am ready to write this time.  I could never focus in the past but now I am ready.  Perhaps I feel I now have enough wisdom, enough proof from my learning that I am clear I have something to say.  Or perhaps it is knowing I will die.  It always felt like death was something other people did, especially older and unhealthy people.  Another fantasy dispelled. 

            I recently saw myself dead on a table in a dream that quickly brought me awake.  I don't know if it was an omen or an inspiration.  I decided to take it as an inspi ration.  I like that idea better.  I have had times when I have felt my heart might stop.  It was probably part of what I have determined to be my digestive disorder, or was it?  I just know I hit the wall, and had to have naps.

            No matter the cause, I figure it’s time I get it done.  The book, that is.  I would like to leave something behind besides pictures, memories, and a few thousand bucks.  I want to feel I made a difference.  That has been important to me since I was twelve.

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